jessaanderson.com





"Not Myself Anymore"
© 2011


1. Not What I Thought
2. Fireflies
3. Everybody Has Those Days
4. Worship the Lamb
5. The Same Place
6. Not Myself Anymore
7. I Won't Break
8. Moving On
9. Offering
10. Don't Know
11. Return



"Fundamentally Broken"
© 2008

1. Fundamentally Broken
2. I Believe
3. So Lonely
4. Little Girl
5. Come to Me
6. Gracious and Loving God
7. What Are You Looking For?
8. None but You
9. And You Love Me
10. Beautiful one
11. Tell Me



   


















not what i thought

this is no ordinary, rational feeling - i am overtaken by a panic and run i - have fallen by the wayside many times before - and i have learned to use this love as a weapon - i am caught up by the common as usual i - have nearly followed til' my spirit was numb i - continue the ascent of never ending - collecting all but things that matter the most - but you're not what i thought when i saw you - i have been running for so long and so far - i haven't got what i thought i would find - to fill the empty up - but you're not what i thought - no you're not what i thought - there is a manner i have quietly tucked away - yet it is fighting for a place at the top i - am dying to believe i'm big enough to try - but it's a battle i am losing alone // oh, oh oh - you're uncovering - what i was missing all along - oh, oh oh - i'm giving everything - for the war - for the war is won - for the war is won // and you're not what i thought when i saw you - i had been running for so long - but now i've got - something else, something more - that i know will fill the empty up - 'cause you're not what i thought - no you're not what i thought

fireflies
you illuminate the open air - i am silently catching every glimmer i can - cause i know that when the lightning hits - i'll be standing here breathless in the wake of each glimpse - your beauty radiates - it's filling the sky - you're breaking through the darkness - i'm like a child - standing in amazement - here in the night - you shine brighter than fireflies - caught up in the mystery - i can't deny - everything around me - reflects your light - you shine brighter than fireflies - i'm surrounded by your brilliant glow - and i marvel in wonder at the sight i behold - i am running with an empty jar - want to capture it all, i'm chasing after your heart - your love is infinite - it's filling the sky // now that i've seen who you are - you're all that i want - i can't turn away - now that i've seen who you are

everybody has those days
no one ever accused me of being the best - and no one really understands what's going - on in my head - i'm feeling alone and i'm feeling like sort of a mess - can't make sense of anything - and so i'm telling myself over and over again - everybody has those days - everybody has those days - everybody has those days - but the beauty is often uncovered by facing the pain - and everybody has those days - no one ever mistook me for beauty and grace - you know i'm really more the clumsy type - always making mistakes - the harder i try to be careful  the bigger the break - can't do right for nothing - and so i'm telling myself  over and over again // woah, woah, woah (2x) - everybody has - everybody has - everybody has those days (4x) // but the beauty is often uncovered by facing the pain - and everybody has those days

worship the lamb
i want to sing a song that's - never been heard - i want to write the emotions - when i can't find the words - but there is nothing i could say - i could sing - to give an adequate description - of my glorious king - for you are - indescribable and that's why we sing - hallelujah to the great i am - all that is - all that has ever been - all consuming love - that never ends - so let us come - let us worship the lamb - let us come - let us worship the lamb - for every thought in the intelligent mind - for every brilliant invention - that history provides - there is nothing i could form - i could bring - that could be added to the splendor - of my glorious king - for you are - unchangeable and that's why we sing // all i am - at my best - i am merely a breath (3x) - all i am- at my best - i am merely a breath for you

the same place
trade your problems for the pain - of knowing that you walked away - no longer participate - you made another big mistake - didn't anybody ever say - we all lie in the bed we make - it's fine - we're all good inside - or so you say - but we all come from the same place - we all come from the same place - what's right - is only in your mind - or so you say - but we all come from the same place - we all come from the same place - the same place - you wait through another stormy day - on the other side of harshest rain - the sun shines and you breathe again - but take the miracle away - and trade it for a common phrase - we're all taking our chances anyway // and you know that - when it's over - there's no stop - to consider - were they right? - were they closer? - was it worth all - you gave - away - away?

not myself anymore
you've gotta' love it for what it is - take a minute to look around - and you'll find out - it's over now - there's no reason for acting like this - i knew it was coming - you've had it written all over your face - for a long while - so let's split it right down the middle - and just walk away - there's no use in trying to save something - you're just gonna' have to change - but i - can't seem to figure out why - i'm not myself anymore - and i cry all the time - and you - you're unaccountably gone - you've got no explanation - for leaving me alone - well maybe we shouldn't have - let it go on - for so long - 'cause i am just not myself anymore - going forward but looking back - i cannot remember - just how it got started - i know it's just part of - the way this goes - but sooner or later you'll ask - was all of this really - a mandatory separation - or was it just easiest? - so let's have a last conversation - and just drive away - there's no use in trying to save something - you're just gonna' have to change // and putting all these memories away - is getting harder than i thought - so why can't we just be friends - when that's all we were before?

i won't break
well it's confusing - but i know it so well - just taking time to be - whatever you want to be now - and i've been wondering -when it all fell apart on me - and how i didn't see it coming - in the least - baby - i gather miles - and put them up on display - pretend i'm shiny, new - and tell the world i've changed, but - i can only take so much - i will only say this once - i can bend in a million ways - but i won't break - no, no, no - i won't break - i lose my mind - a little more every day - becoming everything - i know that you wanna' see now - can't help but wonder - when the colors began to fade - or when i started putting shadows in their place - yeah // you try to tear me into pieces, baby - but i won't - but i won't go - you try to tell me that there's nothing better - but i know - yes i know

moving on
we'll take our chances on a - big dream - never won over by a - sure thing - no longer run for cover - hiding - we're moving on - been underestimated - by them - told we were never gonna' - make it - without our ticket to what - they have - but we're moving on - won't take for granted anything - 'cause it's all gonna' come and go - in this together - won't shy away - we're just taking it as it comes - though we'll have our missteps - and mistakes - not gonna' let it get us down - we've just gotta' keep moving on - the future may be out of - our hands - one little part of such a - big plan - but in the end it makes no - difference - we're still moving on // stop your worry now - just be strong - be strong - leave your fear behind - we're moving on - moving on (2x)

offering
it's amazing the grace you've extended - when troubled times took a place in my soul - i needed someone to come and perfect - all the things i can't reach on my own - i believe in a purpose intended - for the life you breathe only in me - i needed someone to fight and defend me - and salvage what's buried beneath - there is nothing to give - that you don't already hold - there is nothing in spoken word - to claim as my own - however small and unoriginal - my heart overflows - with this offering to you - this is my offering to you - so sing aloud will this child of the kingdom - all praise and glory to heaven above - no longer carry the burden of slavery - rejoice in his ransom of love - you alone are perfect by nature - passionate lover, redeemer and friend - who am i to inherit this treasure? - a place in your infinite rest

don't know
it's been a long time coming - this lonely road - i left myself - a long, long time ago - it's been a long time running - since i got caught - doing all the things i don't - so why do i - feel the need to hide myself behind - a veil that doesn't show - who i am inside? - don't know who i think i'm helping - don't know who i think i am i - don't know - don't know - don't know - don't know - it's been a long time coming - this down and out - 'cause i was never very - honest with myself - it's been a long time running - since i was told - that it's alright to ask for help - so why do i - feel the need to hide myself behind - a veil that doesn't show - who i am inside? // i am trapped inside my mind - and i am stuck behind the times - that i was cool and calm and comfortable - does anybody see me here? - does anybody, anybody care? - does anybody hear me now?

return
we have been running away - we have been hiding - we have been making mistakes - and then denying - all of the things that make us who we are - fallen from grace and yet restored - we have been giving our time - to all the wrong things - we have been saving our cash - and yet not helping - all of the ones we call our neighbors - everyone you said to love - afraid of being hurt - we only give until it costs us something - so they won't see the worst - we tell ourselves it's better - they see nothing - but we diminish everything you are - by hiding out inside ourselves - we need - to return - to return to you - we are a body in debt - and need of healing - we need a light upon all - we've been concealing - nothing is whole without it's pieces - bearing the burden all as one // we are unwilling - and we are cold - for fear the darkness - will be exposed - but if we hold on - to all our secrets - we only forfeit - our chance at freedom




fundamentally broken

it’s getting harder to believe - that the holes in this life that we’re stepping around - were there right from the start - it’s no coincidence to me - that it’s harder than ever to find something bigger - to fill the space between - something’s fundamentally broken - when the world falls apart and no one seems to mind at all - whatever it is it’s fundamentally broken - and no one seems to notice - that it comes from the inside out - look around, what do you see? - are the privileged among us so different from those - who are left with nothing? - when we’re searching for meaning - i think we’ll discover our souls are the same - though many are deceived - with every experiment and every exchange - we’re crying out for someone - to come in with beauty and put it in place of the pain we all feel

i believe
this is no casual storm - for i am weather-beaten and time-worn - this fire is not merely warm - i have been burned and broke - refined as ore - i believe - that there is nothing between you and me - for your blood has redeemed - i believe - what you are exercising in me - is no more - no less than what i need - you are faithful - the test of patience is long - and i am waiting on deliverance to come - but your commitment is strong - and i have seen that you’ve forgotten none - there is no empty trial - there is no wasted pain - there is no needless fire - the love of god sustains - and how i have to bless him - i have to praise his name - for all the times i have been taken through the flame - you are so faithful to me - yes you are faithful, god

come to me
come to me - come to me - all of you who are weak - all of you who need peace - come to me - come to me - there is a fountain that flows for your restoration - there is an island of hope in the middle of the storm - there is a water that does not run dry - for the empty thirst inside you - he is waiting - and he is saying - he is a beacon in the night - when there is darkness he is light - so take his hand and he will guide you home

what are you looking for?
i have followed my formulas - to the edge of an endless sea - all the methods that i live - are now what’s living me - in all this chaos there has got to be a plan - in all this mess there’s gotta' be someone to get me out of it - so get me out of this - what are you looking for? - an easy way around the things that you can’t stomach? - take it down - take it down, now - what are you looking for? - a hand to hold your own while you just run around it? - run around - run around, now - i’ve lived my life under a canopy of lies - and it’s amazing - how i always think i’m right - in all these lessons there has got to be an end - ‘cause i’m so sick and tired of bailing myself out again - so get me out of this - dizzy girl - she can’t get up - from the weight of the world - she’s underneath her problems - runs around them - can’t stand up on her own two feet - so get me out of this

so lonely
if i walk in the rain for days - will you meet me on the way? - if i sing a new song for the miles - will you help me when the time - comes to write it down? - has anyone ever felt so lonely? - has anyone ever been so afraid? - as each new day unfolds before me - i can’t say that i am gonna' make anything of it - when my nerves are all tangled and torn - scattered pieces on the floor - when i’ve gone nearly out of my mind - want to leave this all behind - will you convince me to stick it out? - life-size imperfections - taking over my mind again - i try to forget them - but alone i am trying in vain

gracious and loving god
i find it difficult to place myself - at the foot of the cross - when i truly stop to think about - the bloody mess of human flesh - my heart just stops - betrayed by those who claimed to know him well - not showing any sense of loss - would i have partnered in the cowardice? - and run away afraid i might assume the cost - what a gracious and loving god - who would give his life for me - even though he knows me to the depths of my soul - he has set me free - so i will take this bread - and i will take this blood - even though i could never deserve this love - what a gracious and loving god - who would give his life for me - it must have been amazing scenery - to see the ever-darkening skies - but i can scarcely wrap my mind around - the moment when they drove the spear into his side - the mess of blood and water pouring down - the haunted look in people’s eyes - would they ever even realize - the one they turned away had come to save their lives - there is not a single sound that i could utter - that would be adequate at best - to bring relief from the emotion deep inside me - the words i wish i could express

little girl
tired eyes - hold the memories of something better - life made more sense - when they all were still together - she can’t hide - when her world is falling down - little girl hold on - when the world confuses you - little girl be strong - it’ll make sense someday soon - hold on to what you know to be true - little girl hold on - little girl hold on - time brings change - not the kind she’d always hoped would happen - no one to blame - at the same time - everything to question - days go by - and her world keeps falling down - in her mind - she can’t reconcile the fact and fiction - little girl hold on - little girl - little girl - if you hold on - be strong - be strong - it’ll make sense someday - someday soon - so if you hold on - if you hold on - little girl just hold on - hold on - little girl hold on - little girl be strong - be strong - little girl - little girl hold on

none but you
if nothing else - there’s nothing left to give to you - one thousand times i’ve said - i’d try my best - only to lose - but you take me as i come - and you are the only one - forgive me for giving - myself away to anything - that calls my name - there is none but you - through my desperate measures - you show love that cannot be severed - there is none but you - just one more chance - the same request - you’ve heard it before - so many times you give - yet i return asking for more - when you show me who you are - lord, you break into my heart - none but you - you are all i need - all i need - there is none but you

and you love me
i’m not always who i want to be - but you tell me - there is room for change and there is always great need - i’m not always walking in your ways - but you tell me - that you are always there and you will never leave - i choose to run away from you - but you always see it coming - i am never a surprise - why is it easier to believe - that i am what they’ve made of me - what everybody thinks? - confined at times to who i was - i’m redefined by your great love - and you love me - i’m so far from where i’d like to be - but you whisper - the fight is just a part of the journey - caught up in everybody else’s truth - but you tell me - i couldn’t be more beautiful to you - i’m broken running home to you - and i know you see me coming - ‘cause i am never a surprise - i feel so inadequate sometimes - but you love me - unusable, confused am i - but you love me you’ve made it easy to believe that i am what you’ve made of me - and you love me – oh you love me

beautiful one
beautiful one - you are all i see - beautiful one - you are all i need - beautiful one - you are everything - beautiful one - your beauty shines across the land - and it will quickly pull me in - how could i turn my face away from you? - your strong and gentle arms extend - and they are beckoning me in - i will never turn - never turn away from you - you encompass all i see - and you are taking over me - oh that my heart would be as beautiful - as beautiful - i long to live inside your love - oh lord that i would just become - a mirror for your beauty to the world - i may not understand your power - and i may not understand your ways - but i know exactly who you are

tell me
down to the wire - and i am throwing in my cards while there’s still time - nobody can make me change my mind - i won’t let opposition keep me confined - there’s something i’ve been missing most of my life - so tell me - tell me - why your definition should make any difference to me - just let me be - i’m over the trying to find yet another identity - i am who i am - and that’s good enough for me - i won’t define - who i am by what somebody likes or dislikes - it may be an elegant disguise - and i’d look put together on the outside - but trying to make them happy’s just a waste of time - i am who i am

© 2011 jessaanderson.com